malinaldarose: (Default)
[personal profile] malinaldarose
I dreamed about HTWIWM last night. I dream about him far more often than I would expect given how long it has been since he left me. The dreams are usually melancholy and/or bittersweet. I am aware that I am dreaming, and yet.... Sometimes, in the dreams, we are happy and I wake up crying. Sometimes he's leaving me and I'm trying to persuade him otherwise. But no matter the dream, he is always kind or gentle as fits the setting. Last night's dream was the first time he was cruel, like he was when he left in real life, when he told me that it wasn't me and the listed all the reasons it was, or that if he stayed, he was either going to beat me or kill himself, or that he would always love me but didn't expect to ever see me again -- or even worse, maybe he would change his mind someday and show back up at my door. He was always good with words, and sometimes the words he flayed me with come back. I guess last night was one of those times.
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